dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
did you just send me my own nude
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
