508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
