I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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