He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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