is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize