fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
