sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
