just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
