okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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