I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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