Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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