I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
