See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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