Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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