Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dicks are not precious.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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