Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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