Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize