I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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