it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
