You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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