Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
