Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
