my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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