So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
