i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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