My friends, they love my intelligence
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize