yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
