It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize