I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
