Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
