'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
