thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
