I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize