your parents love me but you hate me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize