Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
