just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
