i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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