oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
