I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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