i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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