my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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