I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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