he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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