I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
