'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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