he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
