I cockslap morals
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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