all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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