I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
