I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
