As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
