they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
