My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
