it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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