....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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