I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
