So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize