One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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