new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
