hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
