Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
