So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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