saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
