my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
