Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize