Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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