I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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